Heavy interest but no love. Strange stuff. Well I can't wait till Cindy comes and checks out troy. Heh I hope she didn't get detained by a SARS team ehee. Well if she did get the states safe and sound. Hope you come visit ur old buddies at troy!!!! NJROTC Unit Troy Armed Exhibition all the way! :-). Well short blog cause I feel real dirty and need a shower then finish math hw and read lots of chapters for Catcher in the Rye. Laterz y'all. Byo's.

Its 2:41AM and i'm back to my old stuff. I read a lot about military hardware as usual when I do my my semester probriefs. Oh well. Alls interesting. Sigh. Its so late and I still have so much work to do. My eyes are getting dreary. My heart is dying. My love is faltering. My friends are suffering. And I'm going into dementia, whether I get enough sleep or not. My mind is going into to overload. Unfortuantely though the questions are not from school work but general life stuff. Yeah, well understanding life isn't easy but one must do it anyways doesn't he or she? Well i hope you feel better mandy. Don't lose him too. Hold him tight, close and make sure he knows that you love him. Thats all I have to say about that but also remember you're not boring and just cause ur a blonde doesnt' mean that you are stupid. I'm stupid because I am. You're just losing motavation. Don't falter, never give up and don't let go without a fight. If such a horror does happen, know that your friends will always be there to help you. Whether it be me, alice, krider or nickypoo we'll be there. Alrite Latez, scary math test that can make or break my grade tommorow. Actually its today...............eeek must get to work but first me must clean self in the shower while rubbing my-self in the nude ;-). Nicky remembers that away message right? I knew you did. Well yah I just don't like ending blog entries but I must! Fine must fill with quizilla then.

Here ya go.


Romantic movie! You probably won't star in a porno
anytime soon. You seem to be really into the
whole "love" thing...romantic sex
with perfumed sheets and candles all over the
place. You're probably a hopeless romantic. You
value sex and respect your partner too much to
do anything like porn. AWWWWWW! <3


What kind of porno would you star in?
brought to you by Quizilla

Hmmm interesting. (side note must get Eric Frankiel to take this quizzie!)

All hail depressing music! Finally updated my MuVo with more current songs of life. So here's the list.

WINAMP

playlist

---

31 tracks in playlist, average track length: 3:47 Playlist length: 1 hour 57 minutes 31 seconds Right-click here to save this HTML file.

Playlist files:

1. Afghan Whigs - 66 (3:23)

2. Sixpence None The Richer - Breathe Your Name (3:57)

3. Sixpence None The Richer - Don't Dream It's Over (4:03)

4. Alexander Brandon & Michiel Van Den Bos - Duclare Chateau (3:01)

5. Coldplay - Clocks (5:07)

6. Coldplay - One I Love (4:35)

7. Incubus - Whatever Tomorrow Brings (3:52)

8. John Mayer - Your Body Is A Wonderland (4:08)

9. Dave Matthews Band - Everyday (4:45)

10. Dave Matthews Band - The Space Between (4:03)

11. Five For Fighting - Superman (3:45)

12. Stained - It's Been a While (4:26)

13. Rufio - She Cries (3:54)

14. U2 - New Year's Day (4:18)

15. Dishwalla - Candleburn (4:01)

16. Michelle Branch and Santana - Game of Love (4:05)

17. Whitney Houston - Its Not Right But Its Ok (club mix) (4:18)

18. Moby - Feel So Bad (3:43)

19. Northwest Sinfonia - TA Track 8 (2:20)

20. Northwest Sinfonia - TA Track 4 (2:37)

21. Northwest Sinfonia - TA Track 5 (3:25)

22. Northwest Sinfonia - TA Track 2 (2:01)

23. Linkin Park - Faint (2:42)

24. Linkin Park - Somewhere I Belong (3:35)

25. Linkin Park - Breakin The Habit (3:16)

26. Linkin Park - Forgotten (3:14)

27. Linkin Park - Easier to Run (3:24)

28. Linkin Park - Session (2:24)

29. Trapt - Headstrong (4:45)

30. Eminem - Lose Yourself (5:31)

31. Eminem - Without Me (4:53)

---

Nice List I say. Well homework is at the max today as I spent most of my weekend playing games and fixing computers to get my mind off stuff. But I guess if I can keep concentrated on homework today i guess it will be all better. Nice to have a three day weekend. Alrite I'm out.

I need a better digicam. But really right now, I am in a strange predicament. Whether or not I should post my feelings in this blog or that "other" blog. Hmmm I ono if I should keep that "other" thing in this post, but if you're reading this then that obviously means that I did. Well only time for one blog anyways. I dunno if I feel right, part of me still is in flux while another is still in well you know. I think its gone to half-half now on that situation. So its going down yep finally. There are still the random things that make it go the way they go. Goo Goo Dolls is nice. I guess thats all I will blog here. Adios.

Command & Conquer Generals was fun. on at least 2 occasions I thought I would get beat horribly because my oppoenent was far stronger than I was and that usually meant they were good players because we both start out at the same point. So if they get big, they are obviously good....or are they? That was my mentality. But then when we got into the actual fights, it turned out that they can grow but they can be tricked as a smaller force used effectively. In one situation (watch out this is all game talk now), I was fighting in a urban city with a numerically & more powerful opposition. However, I was able to to send about 2 humvee's loaded up or missle defenders and some GI's (we were both on the USA side btw). I was able to get about 2-3 garrisioned buildings with my flash bangs and that enabled me to bring in my Commanche choppers. but I didn't send them in yet. I got into a firefight with about 5 enemy tanks with my humvees and I destroyed one of the tanks but they continued chasing my vastly weaker humvees. They retreated but while the battle had been going on, I had moved a group of three crusader tanks towards a road where I was going have my retreating humvee go. my humvee's were about to die, but manged to to just turn and run in time, while the remaing tanks followed. I had also stationed a pair of RAH-66 Commanches just outside the urban city though. As the enemy tank column followed my humvees, we reached the checkpoint and I stopped my humvee about a bit so that it could conduct some repairs. then I launched my attack, my own group of tanks were ready to attack and I launched the assault! I unloaded my missle defenders from the humvees to attack them by foot, so while the tanks delt with the infantry my own tanks had flanked them and destoryed a tank on the first volley. But the main masscre was when I brought in the Commanche's from standby and they soon joined the onslaught as they immediatley launched all their rocket pods causing much damage to the tanks. And to add insult to injury, the humvee's made a return partly repaired and added to the ambush that was the battle. The result? The enemy tank force was completely eliminated and I had not lost a single unit. Fun stuff. Thats what i love about strategy games. I have a saved replay of the event in neone was interested :-D. Thats all.

Why can't I just let it stop??? why???

I dunno why but I seem to listening to a lot of linkin park over the past hour and a half. I guess I'm just in that mood. Heh, I have so much homework to do, but I took a nice long 5 hour nap btween 6-11. Oh well. This is that and that is this. I ono how long it will take before I get back to my old mindset. My emotions are still out of whack as its goes up and down, but mostly on the down. Well short post are fun. Adios. Oh Fun Microsoft Excel Spreadsheet, good for figuring out overclocks. Even supports P4C's. Get it here.

Damn ups and downs.....always up then down!!!!!! bah. Neways its morning and i still need to prep my uniform, shower, do lotsa math hw, and finish up my english. SO BACK TO WORK I GO! Gah. less than 2 hrs. left.

Dum de dum dum. Dum. i think i'm finally out of it, finally. i still feel a bit down, but since some revelation around 8 pm today, I think I'm gonna be fine. well thats how its going to be. Still wish for some stuff though, but it ain't going to happen. sorry for being so vague but I don't know for sure who reads my blog. I wish there was a visitors log like subprofiles but there isn't. Well I played some softball for ROTC afterschool, and I think I did pretty well for the practice. Upcoming game, and I guess I'll do it for the heck of it. Then there is Troy tech Fair, it sucked on the mostly. Just talked to some peeps and tried to do hw. The exhibits this year sucked a lot, only 1 good computer and that was using a single blue cold-cathode with 1 intake fan at the side. I was shocked at the minimalist cooling, must not have wanted too much noise as I saw a Nexus Fanbus controling the fan. Nice Bright Blue LED's though. The Case itself was aluminum with a laser cut side panel with arcylic covering the most of it, it looked nice but nothing 60 bucks can't get u at Xoxide.com. I like my Xaser III much better, full towers all the way! Nothing else really special at the fair. Well got to miss like about 3 classes due to the fair which was great. Plus on the fourth, the teacher wasn't there so I got yet another day to do my math i've been holding off since well since monday. Bad me, I shouldn't procrastinate like that. I guess I'll try to make it up tonight. Songs are nice, but my sister's computer speakers suck. I need the bass of my 5.1 system. Well, I retook that OS test thingy and I got Max OS X this time around rather than slackware linux. That was interesting. Hmm where'd I put that link.....

src="http://www.bbspot.com/Images/News_Features/2003/01/os_quiz/os_x.jpg" width="300" height="90"
border="0" alt="Which OS are You?">
Which OS are You?

There ya go. sorry for the no image thingy but I guess blogger doesn't like the site. Either way I'm here supposedly doing my english till I decided to go blog. Well dum de dum dum. I need to update subprofile too. Poor mandy though, I am feeling better but she's still scrwed up. i hope she doesn't get sent to sonora high school. That would suck for her a whole lot. I know I would absolutely refuse to leave troy, too many good freinds, and I would need to rebuild my reputation and everything which be hell. Plus then its Army ROTC there so that would suck majorly!!! ARMY FOR GOSH SAKES!!! Its all about the NAVY!!! I guess one good thing about sonora is that good old Anthony goes there. Lacks a bit in the Common Sense department but quite smart. Long Blog here. Well I guess I'll end it eventually, as everything has to end eventually (cept Love, NEVER LOVE!!!! LOVE IS EVERLASTING!!!!) Well I guess I can handle life for the moment, I hope I still get to do my Intership but I my pre-intern grades still suck. I so want to do a intern in one of those companies that deals with computer hardware. That'll be awesome, i just hope i'm prepared when if I do get one and that they don't think i'm a idiot, or think i'm a genius. I'm neither. Just the good ol' Lam u always known me as. Still. Well Back to Catcher in the Rye. Fun Stuff.

Life sucks, though mom is okay, but it still hurts like a bitch.



Are you a DEVIL or an ANGEL?

Quiz made by - Ayumi - Sweet Dreams

life.........its so different. its also so terribly wrong. my mom is in the hospital right now awaiting surgery. i'm here not doing my hw nad its nearly 2 am. sigh. so many friends have gone wrong over the past week. so many of my friends are suffering. i'm trying to help my poor freshman friend. but its hard. my diary blog isn't being updated but this one is. my feelings are basically getting its ass handed to it. I decided to put in the closet. i shouldn't feel bad when my friends are feeling bad. thats just bad. I help them before I fix myself, its a good thing i've learned how to hold on to pain. Well. I'll guess i talk to you most of through somewhere else. see ya all as I am typing this being very sleepy and erro prone. i'm typing with myu eyes clsoed.

I have learned the wonder of Microsoft Frontpage. Thus my blogger looks very nice and clean now. Well I feel much better than i did earlier today and late yesterday. Juan's doing good too, and so is everyone except poor mandy! I hope her good luck. YOU'RE NOT BORING!!!!!

avoidant


Which Personality Disorder Do You Have?
brought to you by Quizilla

Am I really avoidant??? I will change that too. I dunno, though I guess i'm avoidant with some poeple, others are just there.

Also known widely as the Fire Bird, the phoenix is a profound symbol of life and rebirth. It has a life cycle of 500 to 600 years and after that amount of time, it sets itself on fire and dies in the flames. Then, after three days, it rises again from the ashes. It is a completely benign creature who lives in dew. It is said that the phoenix has a beautiful melodious song which grows ever more mournful as its life comes to an end. It is also a symbol of the sun and immortality.

What mythical beast best represents you?Take the quiz!

I'm a biotch I guess. I guess I should stop. but then I told myself I'd stopped doing so long ago. I guess I just got more incentive to do so. You guys have been asking me to stop this a lot of times. I guess i will now. It will be the end of the person you know me as. every so often I change myself. My last change was on December 7th 2001. I guess I will change again. I don't know what i will be this time. But hopefully for the better. Maybe not for myself, but for all my friends. They are my friends, and as such I must be a good one as well. You guys might have finally had your wish. I hope your problems will go away. Richard.

god damn. it hurts. it hurts like it always hurts. the worst is that I am not the only experiencing this. If i could, I'd rather contain all the hurt that has been spreading. everything is going wrong. I guess 2003 is the year of hurt for everyone. is it just me or does it seem like everything is out of the whack? so many breakups. so many lost loves. so many people who are having the worst of luck. I wish the world was a happy place, but sigh it is filled with pain of suffering. in this great nation, this great society, pain is everywhere. why must it be so? why must life be filled with so much pain? can't everything just be great? Am I a dreamer? so many questions. many of which I already know the answers to. I wish i was ignorant. at least then I wouldn't have to know so much pain. my friends are in pain, my best friends. some say that they feel great but I think they are still filled with it. this entry would normally be in my "other blog" but I feel that the world should know of such terrible things that are occuring in front our very own eyes. some people just suck, personally duck hunting seems like a mighty good proposition. at least that would help some of my best friends. there is no help for myself except time. in time it will be over. I do not know how long. nor do I wish to know. I do not want this pain to just die. i want to feel every bit of it. know every last part that is me. it is this pain that defines me as a person, and as my emotions. it makes me human. the military ball basically did not go as well as I thought. I could even say it sucked. but I will not say that. i will not say it sucked or not, as everything can be debated including that. this is my mind. this my life. this is my existence. you should look into yourself, your heart, see what it says. listen to it. if it hurts, then let it. let it hurt, it is part of being human, to feel pain. life is pain. but every so often, there will be something that will hopefully take you out of this pain. I have yet to find this little something. I can wait, I dont' want to wait, but I can........albeit not very easily but I must. one cannot rush these things. things happen. it just does. capitalization sucks. I will never return to the walter days. never. this post is dedicated to my best friend juan. he is great, i wish him good luck on his pursuit of everlasting love. I end this now.

That movie is definitely among my all time favorites. I just wish real life could be so simple. I'm saddend at the idea and the fact that so many of my friends, whose relationships which seemed great at one moment, is utterly gone at another. i am saddend, that one of my friends, has lost the idea that love is the greatest thing there is in life. Women are not evil, they merely are different. Men need to understand that before judging them in a deeper manner. Their mind works in many different ways that may seem strange to the normal fellow but are not to those who are leanred in the their ways. i am not saying that I know women myself, but I am saying that one needs to rethink their position when they judge women. I certainly do not think that certain people are "bitches." They just think differently. My musicof choice is that from Sixpence None the Richer - Breathe My Name, Kiss Me; Afghan Whig - 66; as well as a number as well.

I love chick flicks!!!!! Sixpence None the Richer is also awesome. I'm I really that Strange???? ehehe i guess so. I CAN'T WAIT TILL TOMMOROW!!!! MILITARY BALL IS GOING TO BE AWESOME POSSUM!!!! ehehehe. i just watched half of She's All That on my computer and boy does it look great. Freddie Prinze Jr. and Rachel Leigh Cook look so cute together! Yikes, I think I've just crossed the line! Anywho, it was also cute that Freddie Prinze Jr. played Lt. Christopher Blair in Wing Commander....that movie sucked. THEY DIDN"T EVEN HAVE THE RAPTORS!!!! PLUS ALL THE SPACESHIPS LOOKED LIKE WWII THINGS!!!! That was a crappy movie. At least they had the Skipper missles. That was cool. You can't forget Admiral Tolwyn. Too bad he hanged himself in Wing Commander IV. All good stuff. Am I jumpy? I think I am! anyways back tot he movie!!!! ehehhee.

I just started to listen to some of my old music, and it has started to make me really depressed. Oh the problems with the world. What can we do to fix it. In my mind, the individual can do absolutely nothing. But the individual can tell another individual but then it isn't just a individual anymore. but now its a duo. And a duo can fix many things, as it can tell another duo then it will be a double duo. And a double duo can become a group. And groups can do many things. Whatever rambling I just said made no sense what soever to me or my mind. Just a buncha jabberin. I hope everyone is happy, because if they aren't, they should be. I'm at the moment feeling like the walter days. Well not totally into those days. Music can change one's mood quite quickly if one is willing to be changed. Coldplay is a great band, albeit depressing but great nethertheless. Maybe I should switch to so Dave Matthews Band after this. Less depressing. Sighs. Life is life and life sucks. Sometimes I wish I was ignorant, but I am not. oh so not ignornant. I wonder if anyone even read these blogs. The only person I might know that reads it is Juan. Oh good old juan. Well I ono. I guess I should get back to work because if I don't finish my hw by 2 AM my bro's gonna lock the computer for a week. Now i can't have that can I? no sirree. I think everyone should be happy. GO HAPPY! Just because of few of us aren't doesn't necessarily mean everyone else shouldn't. I may be rambling about a buncha diff subjects in a single paragraph if you can even call it that, but I'm just confused.....confused...depressed..lonely...bored...tired...and have hw. Oh having hw hurts me a lot. There is still pain in me yet. not a masochist like mandybar's are. Well I guess I should just post it and get back to work now.

I'm just a cool person. People like me.


Why do people read your Livejournal?
brought to you by Quizilla


ehehehe, took that from nicky poo's Xanga. Hey I took that test myself and thats what i got!!!! though as false information as that quizzie says its just fun cause quizzies are fun. Well need to do homework, and get some more sleep. OOOO ATI finally relased the updated Catalyst Drivers (3.4) and I can finally play half-life based games on Openglide!!! CoOleNess! I ALSO GOT 5024 3dmark 2k3 ON A STOCK RADEON 9700 PRO!!!! Thats just KrAzY! neways enough blogging and time to go to work. Maybe more reading. Adios for now!

Blog....me........I....am...not....must continue on with homework.

Interesting tidbit

first page

B
A
D
A
C
A
C
B
A 9
A
A 11
D
C
A
B 15
B
A
A
c

second & third page

B 20
B
D
B 23
c
D 25
D
A
A
D
C
B 31
B
A
D
C
B
A
C 38
A 39 almost
B
D
A 2pts.
D
c
c
A

forth & fifth page

D
BDAC
B
C 50
D
C
A
c 54
A
B 56 almost (due to misreading the question)
C
B 58 almost
A
A4;D2;B1;3C 2pts. 60 almost
B
CDAB
C 63 almost
B
D
A
C
D
B
D

Results

Tier 4 Geek

57 our 72 possible points

5 questions were almost right, but 6 pts lost.

I am almost sure that closer if not at 100% of you people out there have no idea what this means. i just thought it was a interesting tidbit of information that would take me about 3 seconds to copy and paste. Well I shall do so now. I might blog again later. If I have time.

Ooooooo Geekiness!!!!

src="http://www.bbspot.com/Images/News_Features/2003/01/os_quiz/slackware.jpg" width="300" height="90"
border="0" alt="Which OS are You?">
Which OS are You?


:-D Fun stuff. Now on to tons of homework!!!
I HAVE CONVERTED DANIEL QUAN TO THE LIGHT!!!!!
Now, other peeps to convert
Patrick Kruse -> macs aren't all bad
Yen -> ROTC is Better
Juan -> Nothing
Joey -> Being Gay isn't always bad

and many more!
Homework is awaiting as morning is a wasting!

eeekkk, I think i'm in the initial stages of cynicism. I know cause i've been one at a previous point, but I will not allow myself again. Must turn away! Anyways, I have many things on my mind, and many things for homework. My grades are killer. I mean as in of me. They will be the end of me, or I just don't care, either way choose one. I shall do my homework, sleep wakeup, and go to school. School hmmm I ain't enjoying lately. I enjoy weekends, and I enjoy my computer. I don't see much else that i am enjoying. Life hasn't been very rewarding lately. But i haven't been really trying lately either. I guess my karma is going down as well. I don't know what to do or what i want to do. I don't have any motavation. I guess thats killing me. I had motavation, but something killed it. Some of you peeps know what i'm talking about. Yeah its dead, I don't know what i can do to it. Well the only thing of real particular interests are the military ball, as well as afew other things. Upcoming games and hardware maybe. Anyways, I still need to fix this bloggermabob. I hope to see Matrix Reloaded on friday but I don't know if I can scrounge up the cash to do it. Me = no cash. Yeah I need to find a job or something. However with my super shyness I ono how I can get one. Hopefully it will be away from major human contact. Thats why I chose computers I guess. A office job would even be nice as boring as it may be. Anyways, I am going to go shower and do homework now. Oh and DEAD AIM is awesome. heh. My quizilla is pretty accurate on my emotions at the moment. Not exactly happy at the world and willing to kill almost nething with little or no remorse. Scary eh? Well since I dont' feel much at the moment, I don't feel scared but i think you should.....


You Have the Power to Turn Things to Stone!


What's Your Magic Power?
brought to you by Quizilla

Ooooo Invisible text?? or bad programming............... :-D if you know where to look then u'll soon find out. Jeez its cold in the morning in my living with a T-shirt on, and all the windows are open and so is the big door to my back yard. its like 60 degree's or less in here. Well, I guess I'll ummm.....fix up my blog's HTML at some other time. Adios. Time to do something else.

eeee, I haven't posted in a while. Not much has been going on so far except for playing america's army. Nick finally got DSL so thats pretty cool. Well I guess I will finally update some of my template get the links to work for one thing. Again its the early morning, i'm not asleep and I have school in a couple of hours. Isn't this typical by now?

ACKKKK I fell asleep on the bed!!! at least it was short...well back homework here I am. Early as usual.

For some strange reason, I love posting in the morning. Whether its the ease of mind or the strange thing that I am doing my homework this late at night, well morning actually. Well I still need to fix those links and stuff and add a guestbook, get a counter and so much stuff to update. But all this needs time. Something of which I am very limited in. I have certain priorities but updating my blog is among the bottom. But then I do it anyways, so hehee. Hmmm, well check out these awesome test! Ink Blot (See what your subconscious minds thinks of, mines for peace!!! GO PEACE!), the almighty IQ test (I got 129...darn just 2 points away from being in that top 5%). Well anywho, I spent much of yesterday thinking of stuff, helping friends. Played a little America's Army and beat Daniel Quan like he was the bug that must be captured and sold to unsuspecting honors bio students. :-D So....template needs to be updated. Homework needs to be done. Bye for now, moms waking up and telling me to sleep but HW FIRST!

Hmmmm, Rain, Sleep, Shine, Mind. Mind is weak due to no sleep in the Rain or shine. Its 2:26 AM and I'm blogging away. ehehe, Can't seem to finish my meal. Well, I guess I will just blog this, clean up my food for another day and then shower and sleep. ROP today, so bah... Well lets take a quizilla shall we?


Congratulations, you're the Plasma Rifle!


What Halo Weapon Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Eeeee me plasma. Does that mean that I am hot??? ;-).

innocent kiss - you're cute and sweet and like it
that way


What Sign of Affection Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Ehehe, am so innocent!!! Well, most of the time at least. Anywho, am at the ROTC room right now I so eheheh, having fun and at school and stuff..I don't have anything to say cept eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. Amma go to sleep on couch or do some math hw now. BYES

Eeeeee, its 2:41 AM and am sleepy. Yeppers, I still haven't worked on my uniform either....tiredness!! English hw at the moment. I have little idea on what I did wrong today! At least I got a nice nap between 8PM-10PM. Tried to do my hw but fell asleep. I haven't been getting much sleep this week. Oh wells! OOO CAT 6 TESTING IS OVER FOR ME! Eheheh no science class! Yowzers......sleepyhead I yam! I feel bad for being so mean yesterday! I ono why but I felt really mean yesterday, I am sorry to all those peeps I had offended or all those I ignored! Know that it won't happen again! I promise with the best that I can! I seem to be loving those exclamation marks but nothings better I tell you! ITS ALL ABOUT EXCLAMATION MARKS!!!!! :-D Anywho Quizilla's are fun, why don't I go take one right now, and post it! dum de dum dum.........


avoidant


Which Personality Disorder Do You Have?
brought to you by Quizilla

Eeekkk, geek alert! That can't be 100% accurate??? can it? I mean I have some friends here and there....don't I??? anyone??? AHHHHHH!!!!