Short entry for this blogging cause i have a bunch of work to do b4 the retreat tommorow w00t w00t! ehehe snow baby! girls baby! JESUS BABY!!!!!!! (ehehe it is a Church Retreat afterall...lolz) but yeah, i spent most of today doing stuff, i dont' really remember what though. It might be with the ROTC forums that i just rejoined after a months Hiatus. Anyways, i finally updated my MuVo songs. And i'll even post the list! So in case you're wondering to what i'm ALWAYS listening to (with my Seaside Seashells of course! lolz...Dawkins...) click here!. If you like any of those songs and you want to here on this site, then just tell me. I'd be glad to change the webpage song to one of those and its pretty easy now considering that i have 500 mb of online storage space and 3 gigabytes of bandwidth a month :-O. So thats it for now as i have tons of work to do! I might have another entry b4 i leave but i might not so in case that i don't...TA TA!!!! SEE y'all in 3 days!

Survey time...

series one - you
-- Name: Richard Lam
-- Birth date: November 24th 1986
-- Birthplace: Saigon
-- Current Location: Fullerton
-- Eye Color: Black? Brown?
-- Hair Color: Black? Brown? (i'm really confused because a lot of peeps say its a dark brown)
-- Righty or Lefty: Right
-- Zodiac Sign: Saigittarius

// series two - describe
-- Your heritage: Chinese (Grandparents or Great Grandparents moved to Vietnam during the Japanese Invasion of Mainland China during WW2)
-- The shoes you wore today: The usual "convience" velcro shoes.
-- Your hair: umm...bangs in front...and normal? i suck at describing my style if i even have such a thing as that
-- Your eyes: Didn't we already do this?
-- Your weakness?: Certain things, as for physical pain...i'd say a charlie house would knock me straight to the floor
-- Your fears: Being alone for the rest of my life.
-- Your perfect pizza: they already made it :-D, Pepperoni Lover's Stuffed Crust!
-- One thing you'd like to achieve: Have a happy and loving family.

// series three - what is
-- Your most overused phrase on AIM: lol
-- Your thoughts first waking up: sighs....
-- The first feature you noticed in the opposite (or same) sex: Face
-- Your best physical feature: Pecks baby! lol jk, i honestly don't know.
-- Your bedtime: 3ish?
-- Your greatest accomplishment: Having everything I ever wanted...even if it only lasted a short month.....
-- Your most missed memory: Too many to list....

// series four - you prefer
-- Pepsi or coke: Coke just cause, i like both.
-- McDonald's or Burger King: It's all good but Mcdonald's cause i haven't had anything from them lately
-- Single or group dates: Groups cause its more fun.
-- Adidas or Nike: I ono, i have cheap $15 shoes.
-- Lipton or Nestea: Nestea
-- Chocolate or vanilla: Strawberry!
-- Cappuccino or coffee: Frappucino :-)
-- Boxers or briefs: Boxers

// series five - do you
-- Smoke: Nope
-- Cuss: Not really, i try not to. I don't like it either.
-- Sing well: Definitely not
-- Take a shower everyday: Try to.
-- Have a crush(es): Not really a crush.
-- who are they: I'm not going to list that in a public blog.
-- Do you think you've been in love: Yes.
-- Want to go to college: Only cause so many people are doing it. And cause my sister would kill me if i don't get my bachelor's.
-- Like school: Schools fun only cause of the people there. I hate homework, but otherwise school would be great.
-- Want to get married: Yes.
-- Type with your fingers keys: Hehe, since 4th grade baby!
-- Believe in yourself: Depends...but i'm not sure, i do sometimes and othertimes i don't....maybe its cause i'm a realist.
-- Get motion sickness: I don't think its motion sickness rather a problem with smells.
-- Think you're attractive: Not really
-- Think you're a health freak: Definitely not...i mean..3-4 hrs of sleep a night isn't healthy is it?
-- Get along with your parents: yep yep... but like most ppl in any relatoinship, we do have our spats occasionally.
-- Like thunderstorms: They're cool but the fear of power surge scare the crap out of me...my computer might be on....
-- Play an instrument: Trumpet, but i haven't played it in years.

// series six - in the past month, did/have you
-- Drank alcohol: Accidentally swallowed scope. But that doesn't really count
-- Smoke(d): Nope
-- Done a drug: Nope
-- Have Sex: Nope
-- Made Out: Nope
-- Go on a date: Not really.
-- Go to the mall?: A couple of times. Its pretty fun to be with a group of buddies and just hang out.
-- Eaten an entire box of Oreos: I'm not a Oreo Fanatic.
-- Eaten sushi: Yuck, once...nearly threwup.
-- Been on stage: Drama, it was fun.
-- Been dumped: I'd have to be with them first....
-- Gone skating: Heheh, finallY! as Andrew would put it ice skating rox0rz my box0rz (i mean literally...i fell quite a bit..)
-- Made homemade cookies: Yummy! But i don't have a oven only a toaster one. And i don't have all the ingridients. But Those pillsbury packages are great!
-- Been in love: Yes.
-- Gone skinny dipping: No way in heck!
-- Dyed your hair: not yet
-- Stolen anything: I've blocked the RIAA....

// series seven - have you ever
-- Played a game that required removal of clothing?: Well...if you call stripping a game...then..:-D
-- If so, was it mixed company: It was public...;-D
-- Been trashed or extremely intoxicated: Nope
-- Been caught "doing something": And what would that be?
-- Been called a tease: Not really
-- Gotten beaten up: Hmm...not really.
-- Shoplifted: NEVER
-- If so, did you get caught: N/A
-- Changed who you were to fit in: I"m always changing, not always to fit in though.

// series eight - the future
-- Age you hope to be married: Mid-twenties, but before 30.
-- Numbers and Names of Children: 2, Boy - Bastion, Girl - Michelle or Galatea
-- Descibe your Dream Wedding: In a Church or outside under the starlight of a star bright nite :-D.
-- How do you want to die: Quick...or something that i wouldn't mind.
-- What do you want to be when you grow up: Network Systems Technician (it should be fairly stress free and make enough cash to support a family well)
-- What country would you most like to visit: Taiwan/Japan

// series nine - opposite/(same) sex
-- Best eye color?: The Same as that of my Love.
-- Best hair color?: Same as above
-- Short or long hair?: Long
-- Best height: Don't Care
-- Best weight: Medium
-- Best articles of clothing: hmm.....
-- Best first date location: Walking somewhere at night and just talking, maybe downtown on a sidewalk or something.
-- Best first kiss location: Somewhere comfortable.

// series ten - number of
-- Number of girls I have kissed in my life: 1 but it was a accident and i was only like...6 or 7 at the time.
-- Number of girls you have made out with: None
-- Number of girlfriends you've had: 0
-- Number of boys I have kissed: Err....i've grown up...(hey, i was 5 at the time)
-- Number of boyfriends you've had: err.....
-- Number of drugs taken illegally: None
-- Number of people I could trust with my life: My friends.
-- Number of CDs that I own: A few, Star Wars: A New Hope Special Edition, Command & Conquer Soundtracks (4 of them), Cruel Intentions Soundtrack(my sis but i listen to it way more than her)
-- Number of piercings: None
-- Number of tattoos: None
-- Number of times my name has appeared in the newspaper?: None to my knowledge, i don't really read those tree killing newspapers.
-- Number of scars on my body: A few, but i don't really want to count them all.
-- Number of things in my past that I regret: A number of things.

done and DONE.

Hmm, i spent all day today with Mike and Nick. Heheh they kidnapped me again. Forced me to do the usual slave labor of fixing comps and building them. But its fun so i don't ask for much by they pay me with food anyways (In N Out, Dinner and Fruit Roll-ups along with a fruit by the foot, ehehehe). But yeah, we made stops by Fry's & Best buy and spent around 500 bucks in computer parts (599 to be exact :-D) and another 80 bucks for Windows XP cuz Nick didn't want a illegal version eheh. hehe the case and stuff looks awesome! Though the could've saved a couple hundred had they bought it online but they didn't want to wait. Oh wellz. Still it was fun and we spent many a hrs working on the system (though me and mike were doing most of it, i did most of the wiring and he did most of the screwing). After we had it all hooked up, we needed to install all the software so while we waited on that, Nick, Mike, Annie, and me all played Mario Kart and Mario Party 5 on the Gamecube and it was soo fun! lol i sucked at Mario kart cuz i haven't played a console game in AGES. Sheehs i use to love mario kart but its still great but i sucked! Though it was fun playing it on the big 52 or bigger inch screen they have ehehhe. Four person split screen doesn't suck so much at that. We also played hockey for Mario party which hehehe, me and nick won the first couple of games but the latter one's we were getten owned by Annie! Sheesh, it was sad...when mike had to go and then the cpu went in, she scored on us 9-0 but we managed to get to points in the end for a final 9-2. It was a sad thing as the CPU player sucks....but while we were still 2 v 2, Nick kept scoring on ourselves dang it! Oh wellz. After we finally got the OS and stuff installed they installed Everquest (AND ALL ITS EXPANSION PACKS!) while i went outside with Nicko's PHAT iPod(eheh its soo small, he has a 3rd gen 15 gb iPod! fricken awesome i say...fricken awesome) and i went outside with his Airsoft Pistol and shot some cans. Fun Fun. Then they took me home :-(. Oh wellz it was fun while it lasted but yeah, nicko now has a Cooler Master TAC-T01 Wave Master!! here's a pic & flash

here's the flash

, a Radeon 9600 XT, 512mb of PC3200 Kingston Value ram (only CL3 dang it and timings of 3-3-3-8!!! horrific but its dual channel so it'll still have more bandwidth than me bleh. but mines costed $167 for single MODULE! but its fricken fast with its 2-2-2-5 timings! w00t!), a Allied 500 watt PSU, and a Vantec CopperX HSF, a Pentium 4 3.0C, ABIT IS7-E i865PE, Creative Audigy 2 ZS, and a Maxtor 80 GB 8mb Cache Hard Drive (among other things he scavenged from his old system). So yeah....dang, i want Hyper Threading...:-(, i'd really like its performance improvments for multi-tasking especially since i have like 4 programs and 5 webpages open at the same time. Oh wellz, i'll get a 3.06B at some point.

Oh and i also finally got Mandy's Melo's webaddress, i've been trying to get that since early november..dang..but she's never online and i keeps forgetting. But yeah, its finally up!

blah, i got home from church, then my sister wouldn't let me on my computer as she was burning cd's for her friend so i went to my other sister's room and into her comfortable bed... and lets just say i woke up 4-5 hrs later. And here i am well i'm trying to get my new site up and running the way I want it, but yeah! It'll be awesome. Here's what i have so far! New Site!

Go go the lyrical....

Dido - White Flag

I know you think that I shouldn't still love you,
I'll tell you that.
But if I didn't say it, well I'd still have felt it
where's the sense in that?

I promise I'm not trying to make your life harder
Or return to where we were

Well I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

I know I left too much mess and
destruction to come back again
And I caused but nothing but trouble
I understand if you can't talk to me again
And if you live by the rules of "it's over"
then I'm sure that that makes sense

Well I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

And when we meet
Which I'm sure we will
All that was then
Will be there still
I'll let it pass
And hold my tongue
And you will think
That I've moved on....

Well I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

Well I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

Well I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

Dum de dum dum, i just woke up around 1:40 ish...boy i'm doing this waaaayy tooo often. I need to fix it. But yeah, interesting dreams...lots of interesting dreams. Including one where i was a girl and started beating up some annoying guy from Ladera Vista...and one where i got a medal for a Air Rifle shoot just so that I can take away from joey's glamor..lol (in the three I was laughing so hard that I got a second medal and Joey was going like Nooooo!!!!!!! lol, geez, my dreams are funny and wierd). Among many other interesting things such as being back in physics and having to do all that homework..gnarrrr. There were also a lot of other interesting things that occured but thats reservered for me self (nothing sic u sic little people...jac...joey...juan...) ahah JJJ....if only jesse read this. And oh yes! The whole reason for blogging is cause of this little quizzie!


You are Purple.

Purple is the color of royalty, spirituality and
wisdom. In tune with yourself, others and
surroundings makes for a good thinker. Just be
careful not to let it go to your head.


What Color Best Represents Your Personality?
brought to you by Quizilla

yay! that lan party was fun! a lot of people had Cyborg Evo's :-D! hehehehe. Yeah i finally got home around 12 and i didn't get my system set back up till like 12:30ish. And right now i'm working on stuff like fixing blogger templates and stuff. But soon i'll be moving my blog updates to a diff site! so when that happens, i'll be changing URL's as well! Be prepared with the new one! Cause i got the new template design from during the Lan party! ehehe.

Oh and jac...in response to that tag board of urs....

and remember...i know where u live and that joey's still my bitch.
(hehehe, i think i'm getting better at my photoshop skillz)

yessum! hmm...what else to update...oh! and anyone who wants to go see ROTK with me tommorow please contact me! I'm thinking evening, i dunno exactly yet, but its possible that it might after 9:30 cause Nick doesn't get off work till then but if enough of you don't want to go so late, then we'll go earlier. So far, I have Mike, probably Juan & Paulina. Joey's a no go cause he apparently doesn't like "Lord of the Rings"....horrible joe..just horrible. Anyways, i'll probably have Anthony as well, and umm i need to call Jon-Eric and Mcgyver. Thats it!

well, yeah, i've basically just played Desert Combat, CS, a little warcraft 3, some Space Empires 4, and i think thats it. they managed to get my mind off stuff. So thats good. So yeah, i'm basically here, chatting on AIM, and watching Full Metal Jacket (i'm nearing the end but its really good so far! for all u ROTC peeps, you should watch how a REAL marine drills ya!). On another note, i didn't get to caroling :-( :-( :-(. *major sadness* it was also the main reason for my depression. Heh, i remember two years ago, I was about to go see Lord of the Rings with Juan, Paulina, Joey, Tracy and Robert, and whoever else was part of the gang, but as i was about to leave my bike broke! However, i thought i could fix it, but it was damaged beyond repair. Unfotunately they had already went beyond yelling distance and running distance (like maybe half a mile away on bike....) by the time i realize it. And I couldn't get a ride from anyone else either. So there i was, in the middle of my old manic depressive days, and bam this thing hit me. And for those of you who understand what not going to the movies with my friends meant...yeah, it was bad. So at that time, i tried my best to get my mind off stuff by playing some Max Payne. Heh...it truly was a dark time for me then. So many bad yet good yet horrible memories. Really fits the Max Payne theme. So yeah, I just palyed that, and as soon as they got back I just went over to juan's house (around 11:30ish pm) and yeah. hehe, i was really wierd always going to their house late at night. But we talked and yeah. Old memories.

This time however, i just played and played...till i stopped a couple of hours back and started chatting. Hmm, i should've went over to joey's, i always said i was gonna break into his house and scare him in the wee hours of the morning. Hehe, i did go to juan's @ 3 am and wake him up with a rake through his window afterall.... good times...hmm its 3:50 right now. But nah, i gotta finish that movie and my bro said i was suppose to stop at 3AM but its such a good movie! So here i am again...talking on AIM and the movie is paused in the background (eheh, 15 minutes left on it, but at the moemnt the marinesare gonna get some PAYBACK). But yup, i wished i went carolingso i could exchange the wahchamacallit secret santa stuff. I got the present too, i wonder who my secret santa is. From what i'm hearing it was pretty funny. Hmm i just had a massive picture transfer between me and jason, lol. But yeah, back to the day. i went to mel's house with Ivan to give her present! that was short. and interesting. Bleh, i still wished i got to go oh wellz. I'll just end the entry here cause i forgot what else i was about to say. Cause its been an hour between what i was gonna type and what what i'm typing now.

For some reason, i feel incredibly depressed right now.....i feel just like 2 years ago...bad things...bad things...

ahahaha, dennis updated his xanga and put part of the GBC christmas video. Too bad he can't put the whole 25 minute video :-(. Oh well at least this is great! i'm gonna ask him if i can get whole 25 minute video on a cd, i gotta show this to all you peeps!

this is just a taste of things to come!

fot those of you with 56k right click on this and save target as to download the video

Ghost Dance

and for those of you who have broadband, just watch...its good :-D

also for those of you who are making ginger bread houses..*cough*joey*cough* eheheh, look at this ONE!

Ginger Bread Village

muahaha! go VIA EPIA!!!!

and this is just plain out awesome robotness!

download this video and then watch the rest! and read about the whole thing on the below link!

QRIO video
(sorry but i'm not gonna emb this one cause its 6.6 meg's or so, it'll totally kill any 56ker's if have two videos :-) .)

the Sony QRIO
QRIO!

dum de dum dum....fun day. First early bird with Church and all. It was hard espeically since i went to sleep at 4 Am...i felt so bad for falling asleep for the intially part of the sermon! But i managed to get msyelf awake later after I remembered what andrew told me about falling asleep. So i took off my jacketa nd cooled my body down enough so that i can stay awake. That plus the Pastor Ewin made a few comments about the sleepers...lol...turns out i wasn't the only one! But yeah, i didn't get home till middle of 2ish. After that, it was winamp tv for a bit, and then straight to Space Empires 4! Jeez, i think i'm addicted now. But around 4-5ish, Mike Kelton decided he needed my help with his home router buisness so i went to his house and yeah. Didn't really spend that much time fixing the problem cuz it was mainly just firmware. Nick didn't join us this time cuz he was at a hockey game. But yeah we had lots of fun with Desert Combat after we finally got it all installed patched and stuff. Hehehe, his cyborg 2000 is teh sux0rz. So screwed up. But it was fun! We both had our fair share of fun. He took me home around 11 and then we had some more desert combat fun! This time flying jets in DC NO Fly Zone. he kept thinking he could fly a A-10 through those bridges! But NO! the wings are too big! I complained mucho about the optimizations in DC .6F but grr so many dropped frames! Caused me to crash a bunch. Oh well. Oh, ima definitely going on the GBC Winter Retreat next week! hehe i also got a full scholarship for the payment as well which is totally awesome since i odn't have to pester my parents about 97 bucks. Hopefully the retreat doesnt' conflict with Ben's LAN party. So he better have it early that week! Hopefully. Andrew's is this friday i think. It'll be funzo's!

Oooo, friday was funzo's! Well at least in the later parts of the day. After school, i had to work on NJUMS...which took a LONG two hours. I didn't get to walk my 20 minute walk home till like 5:40. But hey, they were having a christmas party while i was there! so i got some free pizza at it! But yeah, NJUMS was boring but hey, i have to do something for my rank. But yeah, once i got home, i went on a rush to get ready and then i went to the ice skating thingy! ooo that was fun! First time ice skating too! hehe, i only fell down 3 times! Dang crazy high-speed u turn's :-D. I eventually got the hang of it though. Just had to figure a way to slow down after I reversed my direction! But yeah, it was cold, i threw snowballs at peeps. ehehe, mariah...cheryl...and joe! muahaha! But yeah, it twas fun. After i got home though, which wasn't till twelve cause like i hanged out with the GBC peeps till like a long time. We had a fun chat. I feel like i'm really finally starting to integrate with them. Though not yet to be totally open yet. But then ROTC is the only place where i've been really open...if you know what i mean...;-). I fell asleep soon after i got home. I went online of course but i was sorta tired at the comp. But oy ehehe, i had a buncha bruises.

As for today, I when i woke up, i was alll sore! All that skating was fun. But yeah, i woke up pretty early (at 8 AM), got on the comptuer (as usual) and chatted and did stuff. Ate breakfast and everything at the computer. but woooohoo! Desert Combat .6 is out! But while i waited for my download spot on fileplnaet and while i did that, i started trying out Space Empires IV in the background just like the good days with kazaa/hotline client and space empries III! So fun! I got so into it, that i lost track of time, and soon it was 7 hours later and 4 PM! Crazy. Then after that i installed the new DC .6 patch and w00t! The new choppers and the Nimitz class carrier is TOTALLY AWESOME! But i seem to have some bugs in teh catalyst 3.10 drivers. Bah. But i finally got that working. But around 4, i wanted to go to the church thing but i couldn't cause my siblings didn't want me to go to a church thing. They wouldn't help me do that. But yeah, so after some fixing my computers and stuff, i got call from Pastor Ewin! And yay! he gave me a ride! even though i missed most of it, it was still fun! Ahhahaha, the CRASH video was soooooo hiliarious! i wish you all could've seen it! I was laughing so hard! After that i went home and yeah, i'm here now. Thats what's been going on. Dum de dum dum. Ehehe, i cant' wait till i get the template finished! Its gonna be a lot of work. And i seme to be very busy this christmas break so i hope i'll have it done! Till then toodles!

Was talking to yen, dang crazy gal got 99% on her PSATs...but then she is a Sophmore in caculus B anywayz. Was also reading her blogging's and took the quizzie...and found out that i have PMS...go figure!


Congratulations! You're Elrond!


Which Lord of the Rings character and personality problem are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Also went to martino's house to install his brand spanking new Athlon XP2500+ barton! w00t w00t! Unfortuatnely its of the new model where they added another layer to lock out the mutlipier! So no mad overclocking goodness :-(. Sadness. but then he doesn't like overclocking anyways. Still he can't do anything less than 11x multiplier. HAd some fun with condition zero at his house as well. BTW he's also selling a AXP 2000+ Palomino core for 30 bucks if anyone's interested. Unless he's already found a buyer. either way, its cool.

Bleh, i tried lock-on today...SUPER SySTEM INTENSIVE! Dang, this game is sooo frickin intensive! 20 fps at 1280x960 with most details set to high. it drops to 2 when i fly past a chopper! craptacular! this game needs serious patching.

Hmm, i had a all nighter last nite for English Project. hehe...well..i slept for 2 hrs between 1-3 AM well more of went to bed at 12:50, sis woke me up at 1:57, got out of bed, next to my computer, dropped on the floor fell asleep, got back up, on the computer, checked Dirty soap, then went into a state of semi-sleep. So nevermind that. On another note I updated my buddie links for Mariah, and Johnathan chen! Yah, church buds! Hehe, i can't wait till Ice Skating this friday. Sorry to all my ROTC pals, but i won't be attending the Christmas Party this year. Awws well. Ehehe, i also decided i'm going caroling! that'll be fun! Oh, Mel got me a Fooly Cooly Manga for christmas! Fun fun! Ehehe, i'm still waiting for her "present" to get here...wait...checking location..woohoo! its in Anaheim! I might get it tommroow! and still be able to get it to mel by friday! Ehhe. Looks like it made a flight from Maryland to California. Sooo.....I got a haircut! Finally, my last haircut was the thursday before the Beach Trip for CRASH. That was almsot exactly 4 months ago. Wow. ANyways, no more fro hair! On the last note, i'm still waiting for the template. I might get this thing moved sooner than you guys might think sooo yeah. The new template will be only temporary. However it'll allow me to get all the basics down.

For those of you who are gamers that read my blog....you gotta check out these Battlefield Vietnam screenies!

(i'm only including hyper links on those that deserve captions)
http://image.com.com/gamespot/images/2003/reviews/915255_20031209_screen008.jpg
http://www.gamespot.com/pc/action/battlefieldvietnam/screens.html?page=39

Nice Fishbed
FLYING TANK!
Lmao....the Rats are coming out their holes...
The RATS ARE BEHIND YOU!
Nice Fog
Decapitated RAT
Rats on bridge

oh, and Fallout 3!!! got canceled :-(...but here are the uncompleted screenies.

Sadness....:-(

on another note...i'm certain for thsoe of you who read this, have also playe Desert Combat (or at least seen me play it). Ahhh the Sukhoi 25 Frogfoot....powerful it is, but its HUD-less in life! Very crude to fly even though in the game it performs much better than the similiar A-10.
here's a pic of the Su-25 cockpit. Just like the ruskies to build a great flying machine only to make it extremely difficult on the pilot to actually fly the thing.
Su-25 cockpit
and here's a pic of what Su-25 Frogfoot looks like in case you have no idea what i'm talking about..:-D
Frogfoot
and here's a A-10 Cockpit in comparison, with Huds and cockpit panels (which is especially necessary due to the advanced AGM missles that it sues such as the AGM-65 Maverick and AGM-62 Walleye)
A-10 Cockpit
and just for kicks, i found the F-15 cockpit to just plain out look awesome.
F-15 w00t w00t!
and just for joey...DIE YOU FACIST PIG!
JOEY!
and here's the nicest render i've evers een of the Kiev-Class Russion carrier RSS Kuznetsov (I did a probreif on it okay?) i've ever seen...
Kuznetsov
more kuznetsov goodness along with a Su-33k Naval Flanker
Flanker landing
i just find this hilarious
parachute bomb, lolz...
whoa...DX9 graphic effects...awesome blur!

nice DX9 water....

another nice blur effect
blur 2
ahh modern day graphics...so beautiful!
Formation
gosh..i remember reading about this game right after school ended on the last day of sophmore year. Right before i went to the graudation ceremony for my sister. So many old memories an feelings. Sighs.....

I was gonna type a buncha of stuff this morning cause I felt really angry at the world but i dont' feel that anymore. Soooo.....on to more about what happened. For one thing...i had ELEVEN HOURS OF SLEEP...count it all, cause thats right...A WHOLE GOSH DANG 11 HOURS OF SLEEP! Wait..lemme count that....alrite..on to more conservative figures...nine hrs....maybe 10. So I suck at counting...so sue me! I was just woke and stuff when i counted that gosh dang it. Anyways even after all that sleep, i still fell asleep in both English, Math, and nearly physics as well! It sux. I don't get enough even when TRY! Grr. Anyways i tons of homework today and blah! I suck at concentrating at physics. hmm dang it, i forgot what i was gonna say. Lemme ponder...dum de dum dum...oh! Hmm...well for one thing...i realize that my stomach is really big cuz i just ate like 9 tacos, hash browns, and a buncha candy and I'm STILL hungry. I can probably chow down another 3 tacos if wanted to. Sheesh! On another note, i realize that none of the girls i've ever liked had Broadband. Every single one of them had 56k dang it! I now know the reason for my bad luck with girls. Their pipes are too small to download all my affection! Thats it! NEXT TIME that gal BETTER have BROADBAND or they ARE out of the question! Yeah....i hope the next one has broadband...

Hmm....watching TV makes me think of strange stuff. heh...for some reason, i really want a family christmas. Well, i think i've always wanted to do something special for Christmas. I'm one of those traditionalist in that sense. I dunno if this has always been me or just recently, but i really want to do something special with the family. Its just, i'm not one to do it or suggest it. Especially since my family is was never really close or did anything together. We always just tended to our own things. For example parents always working, but even if they didn't, my mom would be tired or would rather do something else. My dad...well he doesn't come home anyways. And my siblings, my oldest sis might do something but would probably bitch but she might just consider it. My brother....hmm...i ono, i think he's willing maybe. And my youngest sis would probably willing as well. But eh, i guess its the parents and my oldest sis that would have trouble. But i dont think i'll ever do anything wtih them anyways. I guess that might be why i can't wait till i have a family of my own. hehe...i bet you guys never thought i even thought about this..being a computer geek and all. But aye, i've been thinking of my future ever since gradeschool. But yeah, I think that might be why i'm also thinking of a partner. Someone to have a family with. I can't imagine myself being alone in the future. Its just a unbearable thought. Bleh, i want to say some stuff but i dont' completely open my mind to everyone. Maybe i might blog in #2 later.

Heh, when I think of what I have, i think i have basically everything material thing I really want. A good computer, and basically, i think thats all i really want in material form (unless you also say decent clothing, and MP3 player and blah blah). Well I'd also LIKE a car but i don't really WANT one. I would like a car so i wouldn't be such a burden to people who does give me a ride. But yeah, i don't expect taht for years. I have some money, but i realize the only reason i have it is because i haven't been going out much lately. I want to do something this break, like the movies or something. Soo, those of you who live by me, lets go out to the movies! Dunno what to watch tho. Also, another thing, for those of you who I do hang out with regularly, WE NEED TO FIGURE OUT SOMETHING TO DO OTHER THAN JUST HANG OUT AT SOMEONE'S HOUSE OR AT SOME FOOD PLACE! Bleh. Maybe one more time at starbucks, i haven't had a frappucino for a while. That reminds me, watching TV commercials, I ono, i seem to be analyzing them a lot lately. Well, more of like today. Okay, maybe one or 2. Alrite FINE, that new Sony PS2 commercial. hehe i ono i just thought it was a really good commercial. Still wont' make me buy a console again but still a good one. I just looked at a few other commercials and was thinking of their marketing tactics and how its tricking us. Anyone else do that? Strange stuff nowadays.

Blah, i want to say more but wasting valuable homework slacking time! As well as other things. ANYWAyS. BLAH.

Well, I think i'm finally starting to really do what Robert said i should do. Concentrate on loving God. hehe. Hmm, i still need to get working on that template. I also need to do my homework, but then when is that ever done? Hmm....well, I read the bible for like 20-30 minutes today. There's something. I think. I'm gonna try to do that everyday.

Well jessie asked me to take this...even though i've already taken it like THREE TIMES. Hmm a little different this time.

Dante's Inferno

The Dante's Inferno Test has sent you to Purgatory!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:

Level	Score
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)	Very High
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)	Moderate
Level 2 (Lustful)	Very Low
Level 3 (Gluttonous)	Very Low
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)	Very Low
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)	Moderate
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)	Very Low
Level 7 (Violent)	Low
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)	Moderate
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)	Low

Take the Dante's Inferno Hell Test





bleh....i ono, i need to work on a few things on my personality i still find very wrong. I also need to figure out some other things but yeah. Played a lot of CS and DC yesterday and Friday. Grrr, i missed CRASH. Didn't have a ride, oh well. I think i know what i'm gonna get my secret santa, hehee. I need to do some christmas shopping over this week. I also still need to get that dang haircut. Soooo long. OH well. I'll get it b4 Uniform Day. Thats all i guess. Nothing of interesting note really happening.

though, i recall writing this poem last year for Advanced Composition & Novel. I seem to like it a lot right now cause it seems to feel like my current feelings. Anyways, here it is.

Dark Void

dark is always lurking
around corners
in closets
creeping slowly behind ears

like a single group of players
football players in the field
practicing everyday
all of them happily
or so many of them had thought they were happy
few are weak
few are in the void
dark void they are in

dark voids are everywhere and they are square and sharp
hiding
watching
then leaping to action
with your heart in shock
a needle in the veins
a thought

the dark void covertly creeping
through the minds along shattered dreams
as you did to I
how the void consumes and a hungry appetite it has
another victim it has taken
how many more is required
the greens of night, the blacks of day

the green eyed monster always stares while watching and waiting
- until the victim screams why oh why must the world be mean being invisible while being so dreadful makes it unfair
it uses its power to:
either consume ones heart
void like
or fills ones mind with bad ideas
bring death to heart
mind to tormented living
evisage ones friend

in the end
all normal friends are haloed green
green for envious wonder and wanting
a better life
but no real person is normal at eyes of themselves
remembering once long ago
no wanting
it is better to be myself than to be tormented in the living hell

the dark void makes one work
it fuels our work
it drives our mind
it mkaes us wonder
it forces our loyalty
it makes people and breaks them
it is people
worked long and worked hard to live the otmrent of many years only to find its better to be oneself

yearning for everything
love/want/need/life

the void is life
learn it and live it

I just updated a few things (hyperlinks, buddies and stuff). I still need to get to to work on that new template. Ben's really anxious to help. hehe, i think my new theme will etiher be geeky or sixpence. Hehe.

I am no longer sick. I feel that some...if only a little..of my motivation is coming back. Heh. I dunno...i wonder how long it'll take. I wonder what will happen once it does. Either way, i still feel like crap right now. Games would help take my mind away, however i do not have time for games...grr i hate makeup work. I have tons of that for Physics and Math. Especially physics...since i have to make up like....weeks worth. I dont' necessary have to do it but i just need to know how its done. I have a test tomorrow. I already bombed my math test so that doesn't matter. I hope i past Math Analysis this semester so that i can get those 4 credits toward Calculus. Bleh. Battlestar galatica was good tho short. Only two episodes, darn.

bleh....i ono. If you want to know whats going on then ask me. Otherwise i'm gonna stop mentioning it. But yeah on to more happy matters! I had a fever and i didn't even know it! 102.3! well..i retested and i got only 102 :-D (but theni also cheated by drinking lots of cold water but that isn't the point). But yeah, that and battlestar galactica is good. What else...oh yeah...i suck at school. I stopped caring about school. But then i stopped caring about most things in life years ago anyways. Just do what i have to. But now i feel like i care about almost nothing at all! Nothing. Maybe someoen should just cut out o my heart. But then, i don't have it anymore anyways. Goodbye heart...i'll miss ya! Wait.can't miss something thats required to feel missed...stupid me. Stupid world. Stupid Life. Oh well, i just know it'll get better. Lemme see...today...i was sick...tired..depressed...then later i flunked my math test. But the only thing keeping me together is faith. My siblings are all freaked out by how much i actually believe. Wierd.

Was reading a livejournal from some random person. I found this on the journal "they say you have to know pain to appreciate happiness. sometimes I wish I could be completely numb and not feel anything" so true....

this was also a very intersting blab from the person as well Here

also check out sixpence's newest album "Divine Discontent" at their website Here

Aye...Sixpence None the Richer is once again my Favorite band! Such good music! hehe, i didn't even realize they were a Christian band till a few months back. I want to get their new album...or...Kazaa...but...Christian and piracy...not a good mix...but i'll see.

lmao....i found this ad at newegg.com for a Athlon 64......

*updated*
bah they changed the icon...the one i posted was better....

More quizzies i guess



be sorted @ nimbo.net

interesting....


Athena


?? Which Of The Greek Gods Are You ??
brought to you by Quizilla

hmm occult and romantic...


As if you were born into a world of tears, you
always tend to look at the darker things in
life. Inside you crave attention yet push away
society, and you're a hopeless romantic. Drawn
to things like the occult and mysteries, you
spend your time daydreaming of "What
If's".


What Type of Soul Do You Have ?
brought to you by Quizilla

yay i'm good

You're mostly a good person. You're good
most of the time, but you know how to be bad.
;)

Click here
for a fun, yet addicting vampire game.


*How evil are you?*
brought to you by Quizilla

I'm a individual...

You are an individual,go you! You think for
yourself and don't need to wear tight shirts
and short skirts to get the attention you
want.You are somewhat depressed but try not to
let people know.That where the cutting comes
in.You're not one of thoes people who need to
be labeled and you dont have a group.You're
just you.By the way,please vote for my quiz!


What clique do you belong in?
brought to you by Quizilla

i got these two things...bleh....


Your soul is bound to the Solitary Rose: The
Alone.

"When I wake up alone, the shades are still
drawn on the cold window pane so they cast
their lines on my bed and lines on my
face."

The Solitary Rose is associated with loneliness,
melancholy, and patience. It is governed by
the goddess Merope and its sign is The Sword,
or Unrequited Love.

As a Solitary Rose, you may be summed up as a
hopeless romantic. You desire love and have so
much love to give, but thing just never seem to
work out the way you want them to. In life,
you can be very optomistic, even when things
are gray and nothing works out to your
expectations.


What Rose Is Your Soul Bound To?
brought to you by Quizilla

Your soul is bound to the White Rose: The
Pure.

"I've been waiting in the dark for a long
time, shining my beacon of hope through the
shadow. If you see me, don't you hide your
eyes from me."

The White Rose is associated with purity, honor,
and chastity. It is governed by the goddess
Artemis and its sign is The Cross, or Agape.

As a White Rose, you are a person of your word.
You may have a strong moral code, but
regardless of your virtue, you always stay true
to yourself. To you, love is the most pure of
emotional forms and it's just a matter of
waiting for it to bless you. Some people may
say you are too idealistic, but it's only
because you don't want to mess things up.


What Rose Is Your Soul Bound To?
brought to you by Quizilla

more good stuff....


You represent... kindness.
You're a very gentle, kind, and caring individual.
You truely care about people and are generally
well-liked. Though sometimes you may be
perceived as weak, you truely have a strong
heart and a good desire to help others.


What feeling do you represent?
brought to you by Quizilla


enough of this..

It seems that the only thing thats keeping my mind off stuff is doing geek stuff. I keep doing stuff thats getting geekier than ever. Hacking aim...talking to my buddy....well i talk to him for the heck of it either way but yeah. I feel like i'm going further into my cave with each moment. There may be come a period in which i'm afraid it'll be extremely difficult to return. Oh well. Maybe if i go join do more stuff with crash and Grace Bible church. That should leave me out just enough. I ono about rotc though...its been really getting at me. I just don't care anymore aobut that. I've been hanging out in the quad and stuff. bleh. oh well. I'll stick to this. On another note, my homework has generally been untouched over the 4 day weekend. I've been slacking sooooo much. Stupid.

Oh yeah, i forgot to post these, i got bored yesterday so i decided to mess with my friends with my bro's digicam :-D

i'm too lazy to put all the code for links so here it is..go copy and paste it

Doing card trick

Me Choking Anthony

The Gang

Joey

Moi

here's some videos, make sure you have quicktime
Magic Trick Movie

Tapioca Express

Random

Mcgyver's leet magic skillz

Anthony's not so leet singing skillz

Anthony is just a...:-P

i have more, but i'm too lazy to upload them (my upload bandwidth...bleh)

i'll put hyperlink tags on them later.

*updateD*
i fixed the tags

here's a kewl pic of my new desktop!

Click here to see my Desktop

i got pwned.....

i spent two and a half hours creating a avatar. then i spent the next 3 just not doing homework. I'm very sleepy and i have about 10 hrs of homework to do. How bad is that?Anyways....

here's my special work :-D

Well...i have tons of homework i should do today...i took some pics of my new joystick yesterday. So here it is.

Joystick on lap

Joystick on lap 2

Nice Pic

(sorry i can't figure out how to hyperlink these)

so yeah...... i did a lot of stuff yesterday. hanged out with 3 different groups. Played lots of games. sighs.....it succeeded in taking my mine off things..but only for one day.

For the moment, the pain has subsided. Though nightmares are still present, only because of my friends has the pain manage to subside as it has. I also forced myself to buy a new joystick...i needed something...something that can take my mind off the things. But yeah. My cyborg evo is soooo cool!



here's a breif description
http://www.saitekusa.com/usa/prod/cyborg_evo.htm

but yeah, its soo cool because the buttons lights up in blue and red when its plugged in! It was a little hard getting use to the ergonomic's at first but once i finall got use to it, my accuracy and kills have gone way up....at least in ground attack-bombers. Choppers are a bit more accurate but its a little hard still to control the throttle because its in the center, and THIS IS A BIG JOYSTICK. Still i got it for cheap for 20 bucks.

bleh
You are The Butcher! You would be famous for
chopping up and slaughtering of people in your
own unique way. That would be why the cops
would not be able to identify your victims. You
would probably get ideas from slasher movies or
previous killers, but turn them into your own
thing. You have a creative side to you, which
is scary, and you would use it on your victims.
You would not be vicious or anything; you may
go all cool and casual with a smile, and then
do your work and examine your victims. The
public would really want the Butcher away from
the streets!


What Would Your Serial Killer Name Be? What Would the Public Know You As?
brought to you by Quizilla

pain is here...the pain is always here. it has never left, and it probably never will....

well, i got baptised today. I truely am a Christian and i have truly offered my love for him. Thats a good thing.

heh...

You're depressed. Really you are. And you
definitely have a reason. You often space out
and stare at things blankly, even if you're
normally hyper and energetic. This is because
nothing really seems important anymore. You
might just be sad right now, or you might be
manic depressive. Don't worry. Have some cocoa
and stuff'll be ok.


How Depressed are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Got this from Elizabeth's xanga
name: Richard
nicknames: Phat, Rich, Nam, Lam,

age: 16
bday: 11.24.86

nationality: Chinese(ethnic)/American(live in)/Vietnamese(born in)

height currently: 5' 6"-5' 8"

hair color: black
eye color: black
family: mom, dad, two sisters, brother, some goldfishes

location: fullerton, ca
college: FJC then UCI

piercings: none
close friends: thank you for being there


red or blue? blue, though red is very nice as well

spring or fall? fall = fun, spring = summer coming, hmm fall
santa or rudolph? rudolph

math or english? math

what are you going to do after you finish this survey? eat, maybe homework

what was the last food you ate? banana

high school or college? High school

last movie you saw? Mr. Smith Goes to Washington

last noise you heard? music i'm playing in the backgroun

last time you went out of the state? 8th grade Washington DC trip

things you like in a girl/guy? personality, cute face

what book are you reading now? So many...PC Gamer (6 issues), Maximum PC (2 issues), Cry, the Beloved Country, Bible, Animorphs, Martian Chronicles, Fahrenheit 451, that new english book, and i think thats about it for current readings

favorite board game? monopoly, though there are many close seconds
favorite magazine? Maximum PC

worst feeling in the world? helplessness

what is the first thing you think when you wake up in the morning? Dang what time is it

future daughter's name: something pretty to match the beauty of my daughter
future son's name? something that is special, something magnanimous

chocolate or vanilla? vanilla
do you sleep with a stuffed animal? not anymore, i use to have a lion cub stuffed animal i bought at a yard sale named chubby
if you could have any job you wanted, what would it be? either astronomer, TTechnical Marketing Specialist or Computer (or network) Sytems Support Specialist

what's under your bed? umm another bed?

favorite sport to watch? Hockey

describe yourself? me?


LAST...
song that was stuck in your head: So many, i'd have to say Vertical Horizon - Won't Go Away, or something from switchfoot

person you've called: last attempt was juan, but last actual successful pickup was my cousin Nhi, or it was that PSS Imaging girl who picked up the phone
person that called you: Brother or sister, i don't remember they call too much

person you were thinking of: .............


DO...
you have a bf or gf: no

you wish you could live somewhere else: no

you believe in online dating: no

you like cleaning: on occasion

you like roller coasters: NO
cursive or print: Print




AGAINST OR FOR....
long distance relationships: if you truly love someone, there can be nothing that can stand in the way, not even distance (as long as you keep in contact)
using someone: very much against




FAVORITE...
food: Chili Cheese Fries

candy: 100 grand? Twix? umm maybe some kind of fruity candy, i'm not too much into chocolate its just my siblings are and bleh
drink: gatorade or coke
song: Something from Switchfoot, Mae or Vertical Horizon
color: Green or Blue

subject: computers
things to talk about: a lot of things
movies: (copied and pasted from old survey) Black Hawk Down, Star Wars: Return of the Jedi, Starship Troopers, Matrix (both of them), Silence of the Lambs, Hannibal , & Red Dragon, Aliens, Signs and many many more


holiday: don't have one, maybe Christmas because i'm usually most at peace then

month: December or June

season: Winter (good and bad memories), Summer (computer and free time memories)
cologne: don't wear any but my brother wears Old spice or AXE or something. but i don't mind the smell

perfume: anything thats nice

city: any good suburban city. Fullerton is nice therefore fullerton. Hmm i remember seeing the beautiful Yorba Linda streets during the summer, maybe that too.

romantic spot: Anyplace alone with your love

book: Too many to think of



WHAT...
shampoo do you use: Head & sholders? dunno

cologne do you use: none

shoes do you wear: some $15 pair of velcro (its not LAZINESS, its CONVIENCE) shoes I got at payless sophmore summer



LAST PERSON WHO..
you shared a drink with: can't remember

you went to the movies with: Juan
you went to the mall with: Jon-Eric, and Mcgyver




HAVE YOU EVER..
said "i love you" and meant it? yes...

been to new york? no
been to florida? no
california? live there

hawaii? no

mexico? no
korea? no

canada? no
wish you were the opposite sex? thought about it, but no
had an imaginary friend? i have many...at least b4 i kil...you heard nothing



STUFF
have you ever loved someone you had no chance with: It wasn't love

do you have a "type" of person you always go after: I thought i did, but i broke the trend in sophmore year.
want somebody you don't have right now: denied to answer

are you lonely right now: maybe

ever afraid you'll never get married: yes..

do you want to get married: yes

do you want kids: yes



IN THE LAST 72 HOURS, HAVE YOU:
cried: maybe...

bought something: a ticket to Guys & Dolls, some school food

gotten sick: no

sang: maybe
said i love you: don't think so

wanted to tell someone you loved them, but didn't: yes...

met someone new: yes

talked to someone: yes

had a serious talk: yes

missed someone: yes

hugged someone: yes, jackie wackie

Well the play itself was good, just certain thins i don't like. But that's maybe because i'm becoming more christian everyday. The morality and ethics are much bigger players of my life now. Before they were merely saying this is bad and i shouldn't do it and of course i wouldn't. But now its saying that this is bad, and no one should do it, and i would get annoyed when they do it. Even if it was only a play.....sheesh. Either way...bleh..i don't feel that great...sighs. heh, after the play, i ran all the way home...thats about a 3/4's of a mile (about the distance when i started to time it, i was on state college when i did). I ran all the way home in 6 minutes...it might be becausei was motivated. It might because of many things. i don't know why i did so well on the time. Especially considering i'm extrodinarily out of shape in running. I have had a run like that or even anything clsoe to that for at least 6-months or so. Plus i was wearing my fleece jacket which got really hot. I ono. I ono if this even is a good entry. I feel like erasing the last couple of parts. But I will not. There is so much on my mind i want to put down, but i cannot explain it all. Not in this blog. Not in the other one. I just cannot do it. sighs. Anyways i'll just have this poem for now.

You are everything i want
You are everything i need
You are everything thats right
You are my love

I did not love you at sight
I did not love you at school
I did not love you until i knew you
I loved you for you

You are everything thats right
You are everything that is good
You are everything that is nice
You are everything that I love

heh, that poem doesn't really reflect what i truly feel for her. But it was just what could come out of my mind. I don't know how i can put what i truly feel about her in words. I dunno. It was really simple in most of my previous likes and rejections. Very simple. I didn't have a chance, i found a problem in the person, i stopped liking them. Not too difficult because i knew that i would find another. But its very difficult now because everything tells me to not stop. In the past though my feelings tell me to like them for as long as possible, my mind did not. My mind understood it was just useless. Now its basically impossible because neither my mind nor my heart wants to stop. I had a similar situation like this before...for those of you who remember...i couldn'tget out of it...not without the police...not without everyone...not without suffering so much. Not without losing faith...it was a dark period of my life. But now...the same type of situation is here again, except its a little different. Enough to change all the decisions that i make. But also its different in that, i have gained so much yet lose so much at the same time. Ack. I don't want to type anymore.

well, i'm redesigning my web page with a template my friend made which was designed for a half-life 2 clan, lol. anyways expect a major template change b4 the end of the year (probably)

wow...i'm have perfect titration...and i thought i only did okay in chem...
...titrations...
brought to you by Quizilla

I got bored...so i'll post funniest AIM quotes that ivhan'et been able to add to my subprofile. Anyways a lot of you have already read these, i have placed the link at the side column.

Gunshot to the head. You are impulsive and know
want you want. You do not want to be able to
take things back and this is the perfect thing
for you. You don't change your mind very often.
When you become fixed on something you achieve
it, better or worse. Instant death will prevent
anyone from helping you back into the world you
loathe so much.


What Form Of Suicide Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

this was interesting.....just something to do.

bleh, two tests today both of which i neither studied or knew much about. Well not till 3rd period :P. Either way i think i did okay but i always think i did okay :P. Oh well. My mind is filled with stuff. I'll just put in a poem.

You think i'm fine
You think i'm happy

I am fine
but only around you
I am happy
but only around you

You think i'm well
You think i'm living

I am well
but only around you
I am living
but only around you

You think i'm better
You think i'm hopeful

I am better
but only around you
I am hopeful
but only around you

I think you're beautiful
I think you're the best

But when i'm around you
You are beauty
When i'm around you
You are the best...

Another wasted time period and another quizzie

My inner child is ten years old!

The adult world is pretty irrelevant to me. Whether
I'm off on my bicycle (or pony) exploring, lost
in a good book, or giggling with my best
friend, I live in a world apart, one full of
adventure and wonder and other stuff adults
don't understand.


How Old is Your Inner Child?
brought to you by Quizilla

Fun Fun with the quizzies


Eb major - you are warm and kind, always there for
your friends, who are in turn there for you.
You are content with your confortable life and
what you are currently achieving; if you keep
in this state you will go far.


what key signature are you?
brought to you by Quizilla


Waterfall


?? Which Natural Wonder Or Disaster Are You ??
brought to you by Quizilla


! You are most like An Emerald !
Caring, giving, - and very emotional. You're the
person
people turn to with a problem. You worry about
everybody,
and genuinely want to help - a little too much
sometimes.
As an emerald, you tend to take a more backseat to
the other
gems, but your inner beauty soon captivates those
who take
the time to get to know you.
Congratulations ... You're the selfless gem
everybody needs as a friend.


?? Which Precious Gem Are You ??
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well that was a time consumer.

Well the last couple of days haven't been too bad. I'm going to be baptised this Sunday. I have wanted to baptised since I was 11. I finall will be able truly offer myself and I hope to prove myself as a loyal follower of Christ. I know that in the past I hadn't really shown that I believed in him, i hope that I now will be able to. In other news though, i finally read a sizable amount for english. I hope to do the same today. I also really want to get the game Independence War. Its a oldie but goodie. On ebay for less than 10 bucks! So yeah....my poor goldfish Galatea died Saturday evening. I gave him a proper burial at school today next to his old companion Dr. Bob. He was a big fish. Hopefully you'll be able to provide the earth with your strength. I hear Guys and Dolls is really good and i plan to go to it. Hopefully with some close friends and among others. Hehe they even extended the number of showings because its soo good. Well i thought i'd put this poem i just typed up, with obvious reasons of why i typed it up. Here it is for your reading pleasure.

Still in the Mind
You are my thoughts
You are my dreams

Still in the Heart
You are my hope
You are my guide

Still in the Soul
You are my wish
You are my innocence

Still in the Spirit
You are my wonders
You are my friend

Still in Love
You make me laugh
You made me cry
You are forever

Sighs...

Ooo fun crush calculator! http://www.crushcalculator.com/cc.cgi?id=1068963864tjj recommend it to all your friends!

Aye, Crash was pretty fun and interesting. The strangest thing though would be my mom decision to stay there to read. Though it makes logical sense because she didn't want to waste gas on coming back. But still, its something strange. She hasn't done anything like this since i was like...since i was like in 3rd grade. To stay with me like that. Without it being specifically be required for school. But yeah, my mom was reading and waiting. Got a interesting talk to Pastor Uwen for a while I was focused on religion in the beginning and in the middle. But after that, i couldn't keep my mind off her. School today was okay, helped first sgt. set up his new digi cam (well not really new but it was a Canon S230 ELPH which is still something of great value). Played football afterschool (again). And bleh. I ono somehow my favorite song seems to all of a sudden have lyrics that seem to relate to exact feelings at the moment. Lyrics time -

"Switchfoot - Learnig To Breathe"

Hello, good morning, how you do?
What makes your rising sun so new?
I could use a fresh beginning too
All of my regrets are nothing new
So this is the way that I say I need You
This is the way that I'm

Learning to breathe
I'm learning to crawl
I'm finding that You and You alone can break my fall
I'm living again, awake and alive
I'm dying to breathe in these abundant skies

Hello, good morning, how you been?
Yesterday left my head kicked in
I never, never thought that
I would fall like that
Never knew that I could hurt this bad

So this is the way I say I need You
This is the way that I say I love You
This is the way that I say I'm Yours
This is the way, this is the way

I feel so much like the song. Very good too.

I feel good. I read a bunch about Steve Wozniak and the history of apple computers (well a little bit). Also took this test earlier today http://www.thegodanubis.net/geektest/ got a 38/48. I retook it (with a little bit of studying) and now i'm up to 46! Both times, i was still alpha geek....crazy.

take the emo quiz.created by jessi

today felt good...aye...also though, i thank all my friends who were there when i needed them most. You guys are true buds. Alrite, homework hasn't been touched..well its been touched just not the way it SHOULD be touched.....

well Lan party today. that will be interesting. i should get to work on my homework. bleh. time to blog in other blog.

Its been about 4 months since i took this test. It seems that i've changed just a little bit. (Check archives 06/29/2003 - 07/05/2003 for previous tests)

but yeah, here's my current dante's inferno test.

The Dante's Inferno Test has sent you to Purgatory!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:

Level	Score
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)	Very High
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)	Moderate
Level 2 (Lustful)	Low
Level 3 (Gluttonous)	Very Low
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)	Very Low
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)	Moderate
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)	Very Low
Level 7 (Violent)	High
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)	Moderate
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)	Low

Take the Dante's Inferno Hell Test

Interesting thingy (controversial quiz) I'm a Christian!



Which Enemy of the Christian Church Are You?

Take More of Robert & Tim's Quizzes
Watch Robert & Tim's Cartoons

I just decided to rescue a buncha of lost subprofile journal entries. These are my thoughts from the past. Aye...the memories that these bring up...the pain. The lost causes. the lost ideals. the lost love. Songs of the past that remind me of the ills of the present. *sniff*

[7/19/03 4:26 AM]
There's so much I want to say but I really don't know whawt to say nor do I
really want to type a journal. However, I'd rather post it in here than my blog for
some strange unknown reason. Watch Fightclub. Sighs, I just did a all nighter.
But I dunno whether or not it really had much purpose. But either way there so
much I should be doing that I am not. SO yeah. I guess thats it. I'd rather not go
into detail what i'm feeling. Too many conflicting things.
Mood: Dunno. Tired Maybe?:-\Music: The Pixies - Where Is My mind, John Mayer - My Body is a
Wonderland

[7/02/03 2:42 PM]
Well I haven't added to this subbie journal of mine for quite a while thats
mainly because I have a blog. So for those of you who don\'t know how to click
on a hyperlink(nor the willingness too), this is for ya. Well yeah, life during
summer has been pretty eventless. Muchless so than the school year. Other
than computer stuff which most of you would probably not want to hear about,
i've been doing nothing. I need a job. I need cash. Simple as that. End entry.
BTW me blogger is at www.blogmenot.blogspot.com
Mood: debatable:-\Music: Sixpence None The Richer - Breathe Your Name, Smash Mouth - Pacific
Coast Party, John Mayer - Your Body Is A Wonderland.

[4/11/03 3:50 AM]
*sigh* My atx power connector is broken, well its bent. Am gonna try to fix. I
kicked my corner of my computer bye accident so now one my toes has a big
dent and its bleeding a lot. My video card still isn't here yet. i wish I could be
with that special someone the most though. Over the time of building this
computer I noticed that it only fills me only partly only to quickly go away. but
love..love fills me fully and lasts for as long as it needs to. I guess thats why I
said what i use to on the fact that i would choose love or a computer anytime. I
would give it up forever to be with that special someone. I guess after a period
of no love for like 5 months can cause me to forget that sorta. Well now that I
am back to the way I was, I know that I will never give up the opportunity to
experience love. Well i guess I will get back to working on the computer now. It
provides me with some joy at least. But not the joy that i want at the moment.
*sigh*
Mood: Empty.:-\Music: Red Hot Chilli Peppers - This Velvet Glove

[4/04/03 2:05 AM]
Falasis, zet par klackon ase tuvas foriety ,asy ;ox dokj sle. Me, the world and
the horrible realization that life sux. Well, I live it, but I ain't doing it by choice.
Oy, so much homework that needs to be done. I am not sleeping tonight as
much as I would like to. But I refuse to let myself do that I have so I have to
work all nite and find something that will keep me awake. I'd just like to end it
that I will be. You have to love James Gatz, he kept his love after all his years
through sheer determination. He's my role model..... And Finny, oh the lost of
innocence. Life sucks when you know what happens, and espcieally when
those things that happen will be bad. I guess thats all.
Mood: Sad:-X
Music: New Order - Leave Me Alone (Power, Corruption & Lies), Linkin Park -
Breaking the Habit

[4/03/03 4:24 AM]
Well, I can safely say I am back to good days of the well, for those of you who
knew me back then (October-December 2001). Meh, with one difference, I am
still totally into computers. I let myself go back then, and I fell really behind on
computers due to my increased social activity. But nowadays I choose to do
both rather than one as shocking as this may seem to most people its true! Well
since its a bit past 1 am and I still probably have about another 2 hrs of hw left
(minimum) I guess I should go back to it! But you know what I AIN\'T!!!!
THATS RIGHT!!! I WILL NOT!!!! I WILL DO WHAT I DO AND THATS
WHAT I WILL DO!!!! Wow, I've really changed this semester...I am actually
doing what i want to do....I would have never done this in the past. Oh well, I
am gonna change back eventually, but till then I am gonna say right here and
now that THE RADEON 9800 PRO 128MB IS COMING OUT ON FRIDAY
APRIL 4th!!!!!!! w00t w00t!!!! I was really depressed earlier today and thats
what i meant by the good old days. Yes that was the thing, but I can handle
that quite well now. So no need to worry bout me in any way cause I have my
feelings about stuff and life under control. As much as I dislike life, I dislike
breaking a promise more, such as the one to Matt last year. Well time to end
this dorky journal entry. Goodbye yall! sleep will be in a couple of hours.
Mood: Depressed, Happy, Sleepy, and of course Crazy.:-\Music: Linkin' Park - Breakin The Habit, Somewhere I belong, The Ataris - The
Saddest Song, Tal Bachman - She's So High, and Dishwalla - Nashville Skyline

[3/27/03 1:12 AM]
I am back to the old days, but I can change it in a moments notice but I can\'t do
it because i choose not to. I guess thats me, always letting things go the way
they do, prefering not to change things unless they absolutely have to be, at
least about my feelings that is. Well school ain\'t that bad but its not that great
either, lots of projects and stuff but I was lucky enough to get extensions on
number of them. Getting my computer is gonna require a lot of work but then,
its just a computer. Nothing too special, life is life, and i need to live it. Well
now that am done pouring, well more of a sprinkle but i will pour to my buddies
so thats all.
Mood: Depressed:\'(
Music: The Ataris - Saddest Song (acoustic), U2 - New Year's Day

[3/25/03 12:41 AM]
Well, I got owned horribly by NICHOLAS PANKOW >:o!!!!! UGH!!! his little
F***ER destoryed 3/4ths of my base!!!! It was a lost struggle after that. That
turned a perfectly good day bad. Otherwise, I have lots of projects still but its
lessed a bit with Mrs. Lutes most likely delaying the turning in of the note cards
to give us time to do other stuff. Well, I have hw that I should be doing but
have barely started.
Mood: Dum de dum dum.............annoyed but okay. :-D>:o
Music: Lots!!!!! check my muvo list in the subpages.\n

[3/16/03 3:18 AM]
Yay!!! Comsic bowling was fun! I scored a 70 average...meh ain\'t bad! Juan did
well too as he tied with Anthony's XXX(hehehehe, ask and I shall tell ;-)). Yen
was pretty good herself :-D, better than what is possible as is possible! Jordan
bowled amazing in the hundreds!!! GO JORDAN!!!! I ain't got much else to say
except I that I need to do my homework stuff!!! GO KINGS OF CHAOS!!!!!
Mood: Good:-)
Music: Coldplay - The Scientist, Frank Sinatra & Bono - I've Got You Under
My Skin

[2/27/03 3:32 AM]
Do what I must, what I do is what I am. Nothing can change that except for
what I do. Don't you agree? i am a Communist, a United States Brand
Communist.
Mood: Still Depressed=-O
Music: Same as Before, and no that is not a song title.

[2/27/03 3:13 AM]
Well, DC school is tommorow, and I basically just ignored today's homework.
Because of that i feel depressed discouraged, and scared. I feel scared cause I
have tons of homework for the weekend inlcuding Pre-Internship Job
Shadowing. well My sis says BS it. I say sure. I feel discouraged at the fact that
I just did what i did, and that is miss my homework. I am tired at the fact that i
was just getting use to the 7 hrs. of sleep a day until I finally decided to do 5 a
night and only 2 last night, great idea for me(not that it was totally voluntarily
though.) I am depressed over the fact that i haven\'t done much to further my
goals. I guess I am a failure at that, like I am in many things. Reading the Great
Gatsby along with listening to Coldplay has made me despressed. I can only be
optimistic about things to come. And that is the building on my personal new
computer. I will finally be able to be playing games the way they weren\'t to be
played. No more lower detail settings and 10 fps. I will get the 2.4 ghz P4 or up
and a R350(successor to the Radeon 9700 pro). Seems like Nvidia is out the
picture for a while longer as they decided to delay the FX for another month.
they are really scrwed. My system will be near top of the line and will be built
between april and June. Hopefully in spring break. but you never know. That
was my optimist outlook but other than that, life is still a chore. I have not been
enjoying life with open arms nor have I been since at least November. Gaming
and friends, thats all thats keeping me going. I have very good plans for my
future, its just the path to it that is the hard work. Its my ideals for man that is
preventing from joy in life, I hate arguments, I hate corruption, and I hate
cruelty to most forms of life. That is my way and my life will forever be haunted
by it. Heh, pretty long journal here but I ono, I just don\'t feel great or even
good. I just get occasional bursts of joy when I hang out with friends and play
some multiplayer games. Reading about techonolgy is quite interesting but its a
great time consumer and I don\'t really have anyone to enjoy it with. There is a
certain someone i would like to share my thoughts and ideas with. But she is
not someone that will be going to sadies, as much as i wish it that she would. I
guess i am just a hopeless Romantic. but too much of a realist to do anything
about it. Oh well, on to doing at least somehomework while i still have time.
Mood: Depressed, tired, scared, discouraged, and needy. & optimistic.:-\Music: Coldplay - Sparks, Coldplay - Shiver, Coldplay - Politiks

[2/26/03 1:07 AM]
"I think pre-internship and school is actually making me cynical. I constantly
am feeling that I want to just end all the suffering in the world or end something
else. I dunno, I feel that all my morals are in flux at least once a day. But soon
after i feel alright and everything is clear again. Am I going crazy?? I dunno its
strange, everything is strange. I am starting to lose my faith in the world, in
everything that is human. But i remember the saying of my friends and that is
the only thing that is bringing me back to the real world. I don't know how long
i can hold that though."
Mood: Strange:-!
Music: Alexander Bradon & Michiel Van Den Bos - Duclare Chateau

first car: 2006 Toyota Prius (hey, its only three years away)
first date: 7th grade (if you count school dances as a date)
first job: I'm the community computer fixer uper.
first screenname: Jedi2154
first self purchased album: Star Wars: A New Hope Special Edition Soundtrack
first funeral: Never been
first pet: 2 betta's who my mom thought were cold and thus gave them a hot bath.... :-(
first piercing/tattoo: none
first big trip: United States (still here too!) when i was 3.
first play/musical/performance: Elementary school plays (maybe 1st or 2nd grade).
first sport you played: Soccer
first musician you remember hearing in your house: The TV

last good cry: Tuesday or possibly 9th grade
last library book checked out: Galapagos
last movie seen: Last movie i was watching (still watching) was/is Desperado
last book read: Not finished but reading Martian Chronicles.
last cuss word uttered: Damn (dang, i need to stop saying that word, should stick with dang or dab nabbit)
last beverage drank: Coca Cola
last food consumed: Breadsticks from Pizza Hut
last crush: Justine Tan (i consider a crush as someone who i started liking b4 i knew their personality)
last phone call: Sister called to see whether she left her pencil at home.

last tv show watched: Gene Roddenbery's Andromeda
last time showered: Friday Morning
last shoes worn: Black Velcro shoes (its not laziness! Its convience!)
last cd played: I don't listen to cd's anymore (all mp3's now) but the last CD I played was Mae: Destination Beautiful but last album i've been playing would be Switchfoot (MP3 like i said)
last item bought: 3 Taco's, Quesdilla, & a Large Soda (a #6 Large from Del Taco)
last downloaded: Ad-aware for my friend's system (630 items in the first scan!). Last song downloaded was by switchfoot.
last annoyance: Sister bugging me about uploading pictures to her computer
last disappointment: Being only a friend.....
last key used: House Key
last word spoken: not sure

last sleep: Woke up @ 9ish
last IM: ****** (!@#$%^& #$%^)

last weird encounter: Andrew jumping up and down on his truckbed to demonstrate the effectiveness of his shocks...@ the front of the Troy parking lot...with many witenesses...
last ice cream eaten: Last one i can remember was the one @ Michelle's church during that astronomy thing. But i've definitely had ice cream after that i just can't remember it.
last time amused: Burning andrew up in his cockpit with my harrier engines while andrew tried to ram my rear with his SU-25 Frogfoot.
last chair sat in: Computer chair
last shirt worn: Blue & White stripe shirt
last time dancing: Homecoming (I will not discuss what i do alone at home..or what i do in the ROTC room.)

Well, i do feel a WHOLE lot better than I did between monday and friday. I had a long talk with some friends afterschool on friday that made me feel a lot better. But yeah, though i still don't feel all that great, its enough to allow myself to be normal. As normal as I can be with my current mindset. Anyways, i got to go to CRASH w/ Michelle on friday which was pretty fun and stuff. And on saturday Jon Eric came by with his laptop and we tried to fix that, after 15 minutes when i figured it was gonna take a while we went to del taco. After we came back, i spent the next 3 hrs fixing it. Now its all better. Joey and Gyver came later and we had some fun. Ordered some P-zones from the Hut and it tasted pretty good. It was my first time of course, trying them that is. My feelings fluctuated all day. Hopefully, the future holds a happier ending. Another note, i might just eventually become christian (maybe in as soon as a week, to as long as a year). In time i will decide on whether or not I will officially worship the lord. Its been unofficial for so long (since well..since elementary school!) so bleh. Listen to switchfoot.

Sighs....a new day....and its still here. I thought I had managed to find a way to control these feelings. Well, i might even be able to, if i chose it. Of course, i'm one who allows all emotion to pass through myself. Maybe i just don't like to fix myself. Maybe i don't like to forget what a great thing that had happened over the past couple of months. Maybe i just want to remember every little detail...every joy, every emotion, every heartbeat, and every painful moment. I have been called crazy many a times for these thoughts. But to truly appreciate life and its things, you have to remember them. You have to remember every little and give each its own special thing. Ever, just look at a spec of dust and just thought, this thing is dirty and just flick it away? But you never even think about how special that piece of dust is...who knows where it might have been, how old it is. What finally caused it to land on your shoulder or whatever. That same wind that blew it on your shoulder might have helped a Hawk escape its predator of a peregrine falcon...it might have given it the final push in order to live another day. No, no...i will not die today, I must live, i must find a mate and i must bear children. All this...all somehow related to another piece of dust. When I think of it, i realize that really am crazy. There are a lot of many things that continute to pester my mind...my heart must be in the worst position right now, it is between two stones. One being my mind in its refusal to let something go and the other is the rock of rejection. I unlike most, i do not wish for this to just end....contrary to my past beliefs. I believe something has occured that can change me for the better, or might've destroyed all my hope. Of course being crazy, i'm hoping for it to have changed me for the better as well as given me new hope. Hey, i'm crazy, i can think of what I want can't I? I won today's debate on alternative energy. If that even means anything. I might not mean much to her, but she is the world to me. I would drop everything, just to be with her. Heh, as we discuss the poor conditions of inhabitants in South Africa, it made me wonder. When i think of it, I would give up everything, my home, my comftable chair, my computer, and live in south africa where poverty and homelessness has struck over 5 million people. I would rather be with them, to be with her. I would wander the deserts in the arid heat, and shivering cold, owning only what i can carry..just to be with her. I strongly believe with all that i know and love, that to be with that special someone is the greatest thing that still exists in human civilization. I'm glad that when God punished, Adam & Eve, he did not take away love, as he has love for us all. Jesus reminded us to love our close friends as well as the random stranger. There is no limit for love. It is eternal and it will forever be a part of us, as long as we remember it. Remember it always.